Destination Wedding Etiquette

As all brides are extremely aware, hosting a wedding can be a very costly affair and destination weddings are no exception. When you choose a destination, the expenses for your attendants and guests can rise exponentially. It’s thoughtful and appreciated to be sensitive to the financial obligations your family and friends will incur participating in your destination wedding.

When planning your event and treading that tightrope of finances, a few suggestions to consider might be:

Before choosing your destination, consider what the cost might be for your guests.

You know your guests and their life circumstances better than anyone, and will be aware of whether your choice will limit the participation of people you would want in attendance. You may have elderly relatives, friends with financial issues, job constraints, or family responsibilities that would preclude them from participating in an exotic destination. By being aware of these situations, you might change your locale to accommodate more of the guests you would like to attend. On the flip side, you might have a small, intimate destination wedding, and then host an ‘at-home’ reception to share your nuptials with your broader circle of friends and relatives.

Limit pre-wedding events to only one.

Instead of having an engagement party, bridal shower and a bachelorette weekend, perhaps choose only one. You would not want your guests to provide gifts for several partiesin addition to a wedding gift. If your bridesmaids do plan to have a “girl’s weekend,” you might stay at a friend or family member’s vacation home and limit the financial outlay.

Never invite people to pre-wedding parties if they are not included in your wedding.

You would not want your friends to think that you are only after gifts. The exception would be if you are hosting an ‘at-home reception’. Friends and family invited to the reception may wish to host a shower for you.

Try to negotiate group discounts for airfare or a block of rooms for lodging.

Simply contact the group sales department for the hotel or airline you will be working with and ask about a discount. Chances are, they will want to book as many people as possible and will be eager to help you.

Make affordable choices for dresses and accessories for your bridal party.

 Think about your attendants and decide against unnecessary expenses. For example, if you want your bridesmaids to wear black heels with their dresses, chances are they already have them, so they can forgo spending the extra money for a brand new pair just for your wedding. You can also consider giving part or all of their attire as a gift, budget permitting.

 Let their presence be their present.

Many couples find they already have established households and don’t need traditional wedding gifts. Pair that with the cost guests are likely to incur traveling to a destination wedding and it seems silly to ask for linens and china. Telling your loved ones to consider their attendance as a gift to you is a gracious act and will be noted by all.  However, beware of mixed messages. Telling guests you don’t want gifts and then creating a gift registry will make your original request sound like lip service.

Offer meals as often as possible.

Hosting events that serve food, even very informal ones, can help defray costs for your guests. You might host a beach barbeque, a picnic at a park or hors d’oeuvres on a patio to provide opportunities for your guests to mingle.

Be consistent with expenses.

If you choose to subsidize expenses for one friend or family member, you need to do it for all. For instance, if you pay airfare or buy a dress for one bridesmaid, you should assist all your friends in the same manner. Word will get back to your other friends, and they may feel slighted. Even with family members this can be an issue…if you assist one sibling with their costs and not another, hard feelings may ensue. You want to be fair to all, and you don’t want your special event tainted by the grumblings of those closest to you.

Destination weddings are wonderful events that can double as family reunions and a great get-away vacation for your guests. By being sensitive to the fine line of finances, all in attendance will remember your destination wedding with the happiest of memories.